Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Oops! Missed a spot:

This addendum has been attached to the original letter in the post below titled "How did I get this way?". The author noted the missing piece... For those of you who know me in a professional (or as I like to call it, anti-professional) setting, you'll be surprised to find it actually wasn't ME pointing out someone's error, but rather, someone pointing out my error. It does happen. Especially coming from this person, who, for better or for worse, has some similar characteristics.

I am sure the department has a checklist of things it does to prepare a laptop. And since nothing could be more fundamental to the utility of a laptop than that it function while on your lap, I am equally sure that "check battery" is a high priority item on that list. Even if the department wouldn't have done it before, I am certain that after my last experience and resulting bitter tirade, the department made sure to charge the battery on this machine that I specifically requested be loaded with a presentation file for me to review before my speech tomorrow.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Wasteful Thoughts

What if we're not as "High" a life form as we think? I was just musing about the poor half chicken breast I wasted last week by leaving it in my fridge too long. I wasted that chicken's life, thought I. It made me start to wonder the meaning of my life, of our lives as humans. What if our whole existence were based on whether someone got sustenance and even pleasure from the consumption of our flesh? What if we're not as advanced as we think we are? I'm sure a chicken thinks it's pretty important and that its life is complicated, what with all the pecking and bickering between chickens, living a life without hands with your face constantly all over the ground. Anyhow, what if we are like chickens to some other life form? What if we are just a little part of the farm that the universe is growing? Maybe we're just an experiment of a higher life form gone awry since we seem to be destroying our host. Maybe the mother earth concept is more developed than we think. What if the earth and other celestial bodies were sentient? Would that freak you out?

Maybe I really am a vegetarian... But then again, I'm also a gay man. I just happen to be trapped in the body of a meat-eating woman.

How did I get this way?

This at least puts into context my frequently parenthetical writing. Well except that the following lovely letter written to the Tech department of someone's firm was given to me in confidence and was requested to be shared "without attribution" (I'm not even sure I'm supposed to be sharing it at all, but whatever. The author can always request that I remove it. I don't recall a confidentiality statement. Ok, maybe I do and this is strictly prohibited. So sue me.). So let's just say I know this person and have somehow miraculously either rubbed off on his poor soul or he made me this way. One or the other. [Disclaimer: Some details have been changed to preserve the author's anonymity. ]

I think we should get a refund (at least partial) from HP. The batteries on these laptops are apparently defective.

This is the second time that I have borrowed a laptop that was "prepared" by our MIS (or IT or whatever it is called now) department (the "department") wherein I have boarded a plane with work to do and the battery is so dead the machine will not even turn on. As a result, I will do the work I was to do on the plane, during semi-normal working hours, beginning at about 1am when I get to my hotel.


I am sure the department has a checklist of things it does to prepare a laptop. And since nothing could be more fundamental to the utility of a laptop than that it function while on your lap, I am equally sure that "check battery" is a high priority item on that list. Even if the department wouldn't have done it before, I am certain that after my last experience and resulting bitter tirade, the department made sure to charge the battery on this machine that I specifically requested be loaded with a presentation file for me to review before my speech tomorrow.
I am sure the department has a checklist of things it does to prepare a laptop. And since nothing could be more fundamental to the utility of a laptop than that it function while on your lap, I am equally sure that "check battery" is a high priority item on that list. Even if the department wouldn't have done it before, I am certain that after my last experience and resulting bitter tirade, the department made sure to charge the battery on this machine that I specifically requested be loaded with a presentation file for me to review before my speech tomorrow.

We should explain to HP that it just doesn't matter how many gigaflops the thing can do if it can't turn on. They have to understand that no matter how "sweet" or "advanced" or just plain "cool" the software and active extra great bitchen screen are, none of that matters if the battery won't stay charged from the department to the plane. They apparently need to be told (maybe this is the much vaunted difference between book smart and street smart) that all the ports, speakers and connectivity in the whole cyber universe is only junk to lug around like a monkey on your back, or an albatross around your neck (certainly a pain in your shoulder) if the battery is dead.

If HP says some kind of nonsense like that a traveler should carry extra batteries and transformers on to the plane, we should object. If they are going to market these heavier than normal laptops to --- firms, they have to understand that [professionals] get on planes with tons of paper, notebooks and other stuff so they can't be carrying on batteries just to have the machine run for an hour or two (or in this case to even power up at all).

Please let me know how I can support the department in seeking compensation from HP. Maybe we should talk to [Mr. H] about a class action because I know a lot of firms use HP computers. My old firm also uses them, although theirs were lighter and I never had this problem even though I traveled all the time. Anyway, please let me know how I can help.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Connections

I thought I could live without wireless internet, but now that I'm back in that game I'm not sure how I ever thought that. Maybe because it wasn't so freaking lovely outside. I think I'll go out there with my computer and test this baby out. I might even be able to be online without having to powercycle my modem every 5 minutes now that I have a router. Wouldn't that be heaven?

You know you live in Boston when...

You see something black and similar to your shape on the ground and think that it's your evil dead twin coming back to haunt you. This of course would be due to the fact that it has been weeks since you've seen a shadow and the sight of it, while awesome, is somewhat frightening. Last night, when it was about 55 degrees, I may have been caught saying "OMG! it's SO warm!" and I was being serious. Maybe. No really, I was. It's sad.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Shiver

We're having another nor'easter storm this week. Nor'easters usually end by April, but we've had two since May 9th. We had one this winter that resulted in a 6-foot snow pile in front of my apartment. That was pretty fun, but now we will get a wussier 4th of July display due to snow removal cost (according to the last news I heard, which may be out of date).

I looked at the 5-day forecast and there is literally no sun in sight. All the pictures are of clouds. I think we should call off life as usual when this is the situation. The worst part is the forecast has looked like this for days, though I did see a little blue yesterday. I feel like it's Olympia, Washington in February--only probably colder. We're not going to hit 50 for a few days. This is just sick. Weeks like this make me think that I could handle owning and driving a car that escorts me past palm tree, palm tree, palm tree, stucco building, palm tree, palm tree, palm tree, stucco building every day. (aka living in California)

I'm going to hop over to Whole Foods to get the rest of the ingredients to make some chili. It's only appropriate, plus I bought half a pound of peppers at Haymarket and don't know what else to do with them. I already made 7 burritos.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

You're going to need Google tools...

Ok, it has become clear to me that private lives are just that: private. I'm sure this will take some getting used to as you all may guess--all of those who know me, anyhow--but c'est la vie, c'est dificile. Je vais essayer. The date was good. Very my style. It was followed a second. That's all you get.

Lately I've been absolutely smitten with the Brazilian Girls. They are just so freakin' hot. I recommend a little visit to the site and then possibly some concert tickets. I'm thinking I'll buy a couple for the June 27th Paradise Rock Club show and then see who's worthy of accompanying me later. Or maybe just someone who's willing to take a chance on my style. Either way, I think we would both win. Nic Harcourt approves, and that's all you need to know. Maybe not so satisfying for some, but for those of us who have a deficit of quality Nic/KCRW time, we think he is God. Maybe I'm only speaking for myself here, but I like to refer to myself in the plural, so get over it. That's what happens when you live alone. Someone save me from this insanity.

Je veux me réveiller avec toi, Sabine says. How cute is that?

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Adulthood

What is an adult? Is it the legal and ripe old age of 18? Is it 21 when you can (again legally) consume a beverage that will make you regress? All of this doesn't really matter to this post as I would argue that at both limits the following is true: I have never been on a date in my adult life. I've sort of been on High School dates, but those are always parentally screened endeavours, and therefore not as scary. Justin and I met at a party. Then, I asked him to come on a nighttime photo hunt with me. We also went to a movie once, but as I recall that was just like friends going to a movie since (a) it was Apocalypse Now Redux and (b) I believe we paid separately. I could be wrong. But basically since then, I've never been on a date and certainly never since I was 21, which, due to the one priviledge afforded by attaining such an age can be quite different from a pre-21 date--I would imagine. Well, this is all going to change tomorrow. I'll tell you more when I know more. The question remains: do I tell him before or after that it's my first date?

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Babies

One night at dinner, we decided to call a friend of my dad's around 10pm ET (she's in CA). He talked to her for a minute and then handed the phone to me. The waitress came over to the table to remove some dishes and asked if we were calling the babysitter. My dad had to explain that I was the baby. She seemed shocked. Oh my life. My dad, besides posing as my date, is a great fashion consultant. He was my personal shopper when I was picking out new glasses. I finally look cool. Thanks dad.

Professionalism

Many of my co-workers banded together on Friday and painted several of the walls in our office. I was planning on working with them all along, but then my dad came to town and that was the end of that. I helped by teaching people how to paint, though I'm not sure how much they appreciated that. I'm a professional! I also went to get some supplies at the downtown hardware store, which as you can imagine is tiny and all stacked up on top of itself. When I arrived there was an obese man with his shirt off at the counter. He said, "Oh Sorry." I assured him I had seen a man with his shirt off before. I'm not clear on how assuring that was, but that's ok. I think he was drunk.

City Mouse, Country Mouse

This weekend has been so upside-down and it's working out quite nicely. My dad and two good friends were all independently in town at one point or another this weekend and we managed to hang out a bit. The crazy part is that most of the usual suspects were out of town... so even better for meeting with the out of towners. The only problem with all this is my little body is not used to all the partying! I think I can get used to it, but could someone please remove the troll who's banging on the back of my forehead? It's slightly annoying.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Is it just my personal opinion...

or is it rude to call up your ex-girlfriend at 1am to tell her that (a) you're coming to town and (b) the reason you haven't responded to her congratulatory calls is because you were trying to see how things with "Emma", your new fling, panned out? Personally, I find that rude, but maybe it's just me. Especially when said ex-girlfriend actually arose from her slumber to take the call thinking it must be an emergency at 1am on Wednesday morning. I suppose there's a reason for the "ex-" prefix in this case.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Flaming Butter

Friday night: Let's just say that my visit to a South End bar ended with flaming homosexual man lifting my shirt and revealing what my mama gave me to the rest of the bar. Granted, I was wearing the appropriate undergarments, but I still don't generally give it up for free, I mean, to strangers.

SaturDay: A late start produced by the prior evening's activities.

Saturday night: We had a progressive dinner that covered four towns and was conducted under nor'easter conditions. That's pretty ambitious of us, in my personal opinion. No, a progressive dinner does not require organic ingredients and chanting, but I think that the majority of my spanakopita was actually organic... come to think of it. 5 eggs, 2 lbs. Spinach, 2 lbs. cheese, 1 lb filo dough, and 1/2 lb. butter later, we had quite the artery-clogging appetizer. I brought the leftovers to work today and by the time I left my meeting, it was all gone. Good thing I was already full in spirit.

Sunday: Lots of napping and dishwashing.

Sorry so boring. Having trouble being funny. Will try harder.